Math According To Kids

ADDITION:

Two kids + one snack + one 5 minute desperation shower by mama = peanut butter smeared on table, milk on floor, cracker crumbs everywhere, too much laughter and talk of bodily functions at the table

One sister + one brother + one blanket = adventures in a fort, on a plane, having a picnic, going on a trip

One trip to bank + one trip to post office + one trip to gym + 2 kids = 6 stupid suckers (or 6 tantrums)

One sister + one brother + one sound machine with a thunderstorm setting = hours of playing “thunderstorm” under the sheets of mama and dada’s bed 

SUBTRACTION:

Minivan with 7 seats – 4 people in seats = 3 seats left which oldest daughter thinks must be filled with siblings as soon as possible

One hour – time it takes to get 3 people fed, dressed, and in the car = 23 minutes late to everything

MULTIPLICATION:

One fun event X 3 = meltdown

One fun event X too many kids = meltdown

One fun event X number of hours of advance notice to child of said fun event = epic meltdown

DIVISION:

One stick /2 = Yay!  2 sticks!!

One cookie/2 = Tears, tears, tears.  I want a whole one!!! 

ADVANCED MATH:

Two adults + offspring = Calculus (the mathematical study of how things change and how quickly they change), Game Theory (the study of mathematical models of conflict and cooperation between intelligent rational decision-makers), and E = mc², where E = energy, m = mass, and c = children.