In The Help, the character Aibileen cares for Mae Mobley
with a generosity and compassion that is astonishing given the way she is
treated by Mae’s mother and white society at large. As part of their regular routine, Aibileen
brings Mae Mobley into her lap and says to her, “You is kind, you is smart, you
is important.” She speaks these
identities to the little girl, imprinting them deep inside her spirit
before Mae knows better than to question them.
I think sometimes we worry that in affirming our children,
we are somehow puffing them up to think too much of themselves, or somehow
putting down someone else. Eden is at
the age where she is discovering the dreaded suffix “-est,” wanting to be the
fastest and wondering who is the prettiest.
If I tell her how wonderful she is, won’t she continue in this obsession
and put herself at the top of every list?
I don’t think so.
Granted, this parenting thing is one big experiment and I’m no
expert. But, it makes sense to me that
what is poured into a child comes out later in life, for good and for bad. Someone smart (don’t remember where I read it
and can’t find it) said that the “you” messages of childhood become the “I”
messages of adulthood. If I tell my
child through words and actions that she is not good enough, she will feel not
good enough as an adult. If I tell my
child through my words and actions that she is good, brave, kind, and
beautiful, she will feel those things and hopefully act them out as an
adult.
So, for Valentine’s Day I wanted to make something that
would remind me to affirm Eden and remind her who she is and what I believe
about her. I loved this idea I saw on
pinterest, but I wanted to tweak the message.
It may just be semantics, but I didn’t want a “because” after the phrase
“I love you.” A period seemed more
fitting—more unconditional and unending.
I started with a thrifted picture frame and painted it red
because that’s Eden’s favorite color. I
used scrapbook paper with rainbows (also a favorite) for the background and stencils
and a red sharpie for the lettering.
Then I cut strips out of an old tie-dye shirt and folded and
hot glued it into a flower shape. Hot
gluing a button into the center made it look more finished, and then I glued
them onto the frame. (I have a love/hate
relationship with hot glue guns. I love
them because they make anything stick to anything. I hate them because I burn myself every. single.
time. I use it.)
Now I can write with a dry erase marker all the qualities I
see in Eden, all the things I want her to know she is and all the things she
will give to others.
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